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Blissful for being blessed and thankful for the glory….

I remember the time I joined the internship, the prestigious Congressional Internship Program for Young Muslim Leaders, it was full of vivid memories. I can even feel the emotion I felt when it was my time to enter what has been referred as “the end.” - a room where the lords find their places. It brought chills over my spine and twisted my soul to the very end. But I hold my self…up and high…for I thought that fear can never be my companion.

And so I entered and saw in full blast the images of what others called “lords”…Seriously, I got disappointed. For all I know…they are high and immortal…furious and stern…livid and scornful…but nay…not a strand of hatred!

And there it came…an assurance of a new beginning to which I am thankful…

I was a bit apprehended in joining the program as I have limited knowledge about it. But it has been my predicament and I always end up taking the risk. A risk that I will be very doubtful if ever I didn’t took. But what made me decide was for a fact that I admired those with great talents and beautiful minds to which I saw in my co-interns. It was indeed destined!

A lot of things happened…both good and bad…but we are all hopeful…despite discontentment…and I can surely say that the timing was just so right…Mabruk! HE really is a grand master planner!

And so I can say that I respond to the program because I believe that it supports my visions, personally and professionally, or that I thought it would give me the mobility to change direction. I decided to take part of the program because I believe that my goals and values, and even my vitalities for my family and my community as a whole will be the outcome.

And during the internship I tried with passion to be more intentful, conscious, caring, and careful. I have my faith to all of us and I am so proud that I have been a part of the brilliant network that for sure will have the chance to create opportunities from opportunities until we find the antidote of the poison that have strangled my homeland.

Godspeed to all!!

Here is the life of an unknown and an ordinary young man of our time, revealed with all his talents and contradictions, told openly, directly, in his own completely recognizable voice.

Introduction

What made me decide to write?

It’s eight in the morning..and it has been a long night for me..I drifted from sequence to sequence of wha’ seems to be an unending dream..I was only awaken by the loud chirpings of the love birds of mama Verge..but I i still feel the urged to sleep..

so what made me post here? I dunno..I just thought it’s great to share some buzz from me..and let other people comments from it..sometimes u’l get to learn a lot from an informal and spontaneous communication..

last night was our party at The Asia Foundation…great fun..very decent and simple..but it really rocked after presentations to presentations from different groups..I also did my presentation..and it was riout! Imagine I sang On My Own (a braodway song by Lea S.) and some serious songs only to end up singing Kapag Tumibok ang Puso (by Donna C)..hahaha..very funny indeed..well the idea came from my officemates..but it’s efective..I may be ridiculous but at least it tickles most of the audience..

Then after the reverberating clappings..we all settled down and laughed so hard..I dunno how many glass of red wine I hve gulped..but its effect is very calming…

While observing the people..I overheard some going home to their hometown to celebrate the yuletide season with their families…then I thought..We’re not celebrating x-mass!!! But on my way home, I called up my mom…asked them about their condition and how’s life back there. My "abe" (it’s an arabic word for dad) told me that he and my mom are having an LBM..I wasn’t able to control myself and blurted a roar of laughter by which my dad also laughed so hard…It has been a long time since I heard my abe laughing enormously back at me. I can’t even remember when was the last time..perhaps when I was a boy..but that was a long long time ago..a memoir that I could hardly remember..

I have a close relationship with my family but not that close..Whenever I got problem, I don’t share it to them. One time when I got emotionally down..and seriously I was at the brink of much loneliness and hopelessness (good lord !I haven’t thought of committing suicide..hehe), I cried alone at my room…for five months of crying and wondering…I lost my confidence and my eagerness to live..I struggled so hard..but desperate to move on..

A lot of things happened that  made things even complicated but I consider it as catalysts. All of those connive to push me to realize the importance of my existence in this world. I wouldn’t even accept the fact but it hitted me so hard that I fell down helplessly and breathed desperately…I thought I’m gonna die from the lack of air..I though I saw my physical body crippled by the inner pain while my soul drifted to nowhere…

I was once a jolly, gayous, and high-spirited lad! Careless and childish…but I have a sanguine personality to which I owe my ability to deal with different people from all walks of life…but it didn’t spared me from getting so hurt..not even the fact that I am so sweet and so true..I guess..

But all throughought my 25 years of existence…I have tried  to define and redifine myself..It’s a resolute definition of my life…

I hope you would all read my memoir..It’s a simple recollection of my life…and somehow might give you some pieces of advice from my mistakes and my triumphs…

Best Regards,

Shim / Laju’